Lately I feel a bit lost, I've been thinking about the future a lot and I'm not quite sure where you sit in it. I had a dream the other night that I fell for a much older man who had a 15 year old daughter. I was so afraid of her hating me because I wasn't her mother, but I won her over and I fell in love with her, just like she fell in love with me. She became my daughter too and though it was just a dream, I hadn't felt so happy in such a long time. Her father was a sergeant so was often called away for work, giving me and her more time to bond alone. He had a huge modern house with grand open fire places and I didn't have to earn a dime. I thought I wanted nothing more than to have children of my own, little did I know, I would be perfectly happy to just be a mother.

I feel like I won't have any of that with you. You never call me and when I want to call you, you're either high, watching anime or too tired- though you sleep all day and do no work. I get that you're lazy and you can't be bothered to work, but I don't even have love to justify this anymore. You don't love me, it's becoming more apparent to me every day. I'm just too afraid to say it.

I feel like if I want any shot at a better future for myself, I need to walk away. The sad part is, I don't think you'd come after me, stop me or even notice for a while.